![]() “Self-kindness entails being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than flagellating ourselves with self-criticism,” write Profs. and mindfulness (i.e., emotional equanimity and avoidance of overidentification with painful emotions).”.recognition of one’s place in shared humanity (i.e., acknowledgment that people are not perfect and that personal experiences are part of the larger human experience),.“self-kindness (i.e., treating oneself with understanding and forgiveness),. ![]() ![]() Neff, Sbarra and colleagues define self-compassion as a construct that encompasses three components: It also helps us to better cope with failure or embarrassment.īut what is it, exactly? Drawing on the work of Prof. Research shows that having more self-compassion builds resilience in the face of adversity, helping people to recover more quickly from trauma or romantic separation. Self-compassion and self-love are largely used interchangeably in specialized literature. You might think that self-love is a case of “you either have it or you don’t,” but luckily, psychologists insist that it is something you can learn. Thirdly, you can start cultivating some much-needed self-compassion. When you’ve spent years cultivating this inner bully, you develop an unconscious reflex to put yourself down for every minor thing, no matter how ridiculous or absurd.įrom missing a deadline to dropping a teaspoon on the floor, perfectionists will constantly give themselves a hard time over the most unexpected things - so criticizing yourself for criticizing yourself is not uncommon. Paul Hewitt - a clinical psychologist in Vancouver, Canada, and author of the book Perfectionism: A Relational Approach to Conceptualization, Assessment, and Treatment - likens the inner critic harbored by perfectionists to “a nasty adult beating the crap out of a tiny child.” Even the United Nations adopted a resolution recognizing that the “pursuit of happiness is a fundamental human goal.”Īlso, you should try to resist the temptation to beat yourself up for beating yourself up. In other words, happiness is something that you’re entitled to, not something that you need to earn. In the words of Kristin Neff - a professor of human development at the University of Texas at Austin - “Love, connection, and acceptance are your birthright.” So what can we do to move away from perfectionism? First off, acknowledge that it’s bad for you beating yourself up over every little error gradually chips away at your sense of self-worth and makes you less happy. This article will look at ways to dial down the former and boost the latter, with the conviction that doing so will help you to lead a happier, more fulfilled life. Therefore, perfectionism and self-compassion are inextricably linked. Studies have shown that perfectionists are at a higher risk of several illnesses, both physical and mental, and that self-compassion might free us from its grip. This entails a lot of self-criticism, and that persecutory inner voice that constantly tells us how we could’ve done things better is a hallmark of perfectionism. Most of the time, when we’re being too hard on ourselves, we do it because we’re driven by a desire to excel and do everything right, all the time. Ironically, however, self-care and -compassion might actually be needed most by those of us who work too hard and who are constantly striving to surpass ourselves and grasp the shape-shifting phantasm of perfection. For many of us, self-love might sound like a luxury rather than a necessity - or a new-age fad for those with too much time on their hands. “Why is self-love important?” you might ask. Share on Pinterest Cultivating feelings of self-love can sometimes be challenging.
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